just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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