took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can't special order awesome
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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