I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
