Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
