she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Two words: blizzard sex
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
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