Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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