I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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