i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
