I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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