I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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