I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
