walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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