i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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