Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
