I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I party with great urgency now.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize