I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
