So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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