I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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