if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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