i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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