just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize