Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
