I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
