we have pet lesbian snakes
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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