he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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