i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
