how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
