last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize