Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
