I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
