ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
