2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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