Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
