OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize