you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
