I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize