38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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