I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize