Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
