you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
