someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
