Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
