I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
