don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
