I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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