You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
