the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
