I cannot find my penis.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
