btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
