I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
