Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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