Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
