Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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