From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize