Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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