Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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