i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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