Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
