Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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