drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
