shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
