She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i believe in u and ur pee
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize