Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
