I wish I could teleport
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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