just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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