Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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