Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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