I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
