Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
