On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
