I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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