when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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