I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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