I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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