he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
