I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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