I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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