you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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