you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize