$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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