My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
