I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
