you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
