Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's shark week go big or go home
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
