May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
