just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
