remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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