That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Even my vagina gasped.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
