Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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