I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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