Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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