No awkward lesbian experiences without me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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