my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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