k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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