So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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