No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
