i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
