Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The adults are the big ones right?
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