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I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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