They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
